Homo, hetero, or whatever...

Homo, hetero, or whatever...

Sex can seem very frightening if you don't even know who you are. Read about the 5 qualities of sex you've never known before.

You asked...

Question #1: "Dear Doctor, I am 14 years old. I would like to become heterosexual again!!! One advantage in my case may be that I am determined to change. Also, I was heterosexual up until seventh grade. I know that your advice will be to just accept myself and that the main thing is that I am happy. But trust me, it's much harder this way. It will be way easier once I'm heterosexual again. It will also give me a chance to avoid a lot of trouble and being ridiculed... Should I watch heterosexual porn? Would that help? Thank you in advance for all your help."

Question #2: "I had a homosexual dream which resulted in a wet dream (I rarely experience these). Up until now I have always considered myself heterosexual, but now I am really worried. Am I gay? I have always had funny feelings regarding gay people. I have to admit I have always liked the idea of anal sex (performed on me), but I have only ever thought of this in terms of being with a dominatrix. Could this be a sign (or the problem itself) that I fantasize about such things? Thank you in advance for your answer."

My answer – not just for you

The topic of sexuality is much more colorful and complex than people would suspect; and this comes as news or unknown information even for experts. My mission is to change this on a wide scale. J What’s the point in all the useless suffering to change yourself and become something better? Of course I agree that you should strive to become better and better: better to yourself and to others; and you should turn change to your advantage. But if you don’t understand what this means, there is no point in wishing you anything.

On the topic of sex, there is still a serious shortage of experts who possess great knowledge. This is because experts are only human: they also have problems learning about sex and developing sexually. This is the most fruitful yet also most difficult area of study because one has to experience everything the hard way. It’s as if the physics professor were to test electricity on himself in order to understand electrophysics, or as if the doctor were to infect himself with all kinds of diseases in order to understand them better and be able to treat them. But when it comes to sex, there is simply no other way to progress. So the sexologist has no choice but to… J

You don't need to know everything, but most of the things that have so far been published about being different are nonsense. So it’s no wonder you’ve been unable to educate yourself. Most people hear (and seem to believe) nonsense with regards to this topic. Many people frown upon it, consider it unsound, or are repelled by it; and in general we can say that sex is placed in the same category as horror movies: yes, it’s very exciting, but we’d rather have none of it.

Sex is not primitive.

Your heterosexuality will not be damaged by what happened to you; it’s just that there are still lots of things inside you with which you are not yet familiar. We can learn, progress, and find out about new things (both about ourselves and about others) right up to the day we die. Sexuality is essentially determined by 4 factors, which means that even in the simplest of cases we are looking at the cooperation of 4 different qualities in 2 different people. The 4 qualities may all be very different, so the whole thing amounts to a great deal of variation in human relationships. On top of all this, sex is also universal: that is, attraction also exists (independently of the 4 qualities) as a basic physical phenomenon. In biology, this is sex itself. This constitutes a fifth factor.

The thing you should be afraid of is ignorance, not your sexuality. This is why you should learn about it and practice it as much as you can. We don’t all have to become pioneers, but we must live and love our own lives – otherwise sex will cease to be a source of pleasure and turn into horror instead. And who on earth would want that?