What do women want?
The question pops up in many women’s minds living in relationships: is it normal and natural that their partner masturbates to porn and pictures of naked women while – so the woman thinks – the two have a fully satisfying sexual life? As wives, they describe their situation in the following way: “…I’m open to everything; there isn’t a thing that we haven’t tried out – and this still isn’t enough for my partner? I think that I can no longer live in such a relationship because I feel cheated. I would understand it if there were something missing from our relationship, something that he wasn’t getting from me, but there isn’t such a thing and we have a perfectly regular sex life. This is why I think that if, in spite of this, he fantasizes about other women and in the meantime he keeps telling me he loves me then he is deceiving me. Do you think that I am mistaken in this, or am I absolutely right if I break up with him because of this?”
What do men like?
A “fully satisfying” sexual life is only attainable if both partners remain free in the meantime. Men are typically realistic; in sex, too, their ideas contain fewer ideologies. They don’t like to keep secrets, not even for the sake of sex. (Women, on the other hand, do.) But they rarely succeed in this. Why would they like this, and why is it not possible? Men’s sexuality often deteriorates due to the various “bans” on sex. Their desire and potential deteriorate, and the experiences they collect are too few because of a sexuality that settles for little. A man who loves and is loved; one who trusts his girlfriend and gives her everything she needs; one who lives in a relationship where sex is reciprocated – only such a man is able to become more open. There’s no need for him to keep secrets and there’s no need to live a life restricted by various compromises. This is exactly why he is able to give so much to a woman – even if, in the meantime, he also masturbates to porn. It is evident and proven that sexual development is only possible if personal freedom is fully attainable. If a partner requires porn for this, let it be; if they require something else, let that be – whatever it is they desire. Their love for their partner is not to be questioned because of this: the fact is that the “conventional”, narrow way of thinking keeps contradicting natural law again and again. The theoretical approaches to sex often contain no tolerance at all. In practice, we see something else entirely: for example, a full understanding and tolerance can be achieved through sex. This is one of its great virtues. (In this context, “sex” refers to “sexuality”, not to sexual intercourse or anything else.)
What they can do together
When women take on the initiating role and they look for new and better things in sex, they need not feel that it’s only the man who has the leading role. In such cases they often experience that they can become leaders too and direct things the way they want. Everyone can realize their own ideas. You can go anywhere you want: but to be lagging behind and to be fulfilling your partner’s desires only is truly a distressing experience. If there’s some place you cannot go together, you have to go alone. Single women are still very well aware of this fact. Then, when they find a partner, they suddenly forget what it is that makes them desirable. When – in a relationship – women get their partner to be faithful and masculine according to their own feminine ideas, what they get is not what they had wanted to receive. They strip men of their masculinity due to a mistaken interpretation of love and faithfulness. Many women in such situations start thinking about breaking up; but the logic accompanying this thought is faulty. And this is a typical human error. All women are like this.
And what about men? They are also making a mistake; a human mistake. They think that a man cannot permit the thing that he himself can practice. They feel that it is an attack against their masculinity if their female partner cheats on them. And if a man thinks this, it will be true for him. A weak man is one who makes himself weak because he does not trust his own sexual appeal. As such, he takes steps which damage his relationship and eroticism.
The solution?
The source of the problem is most often unrealistic thinking. This, however, can be corrected! The question asked by women or men – why is it not just me that my partner wants? – is inexplicable because it is not a question: it is a demand and a fear. It isn’t born out of understanding or love but rather out of anger. And how could one explain anything to an angry person? One who does not understand something becomes frightened; they start to feel bad and they suddenly want to break up. This is why faith is necessary: faith in oneself, in one’s love, in one’s friends, in life… A lot of faith is needed. Fear is only an indication that some information is missing, and this lack of information creates very bad feelings and thoughts instead of unveiling the reality that one had no time to get acquainted with. And the reality may be completely different. Faith, however, will not allow you to waste your energy pointlessly while you still don’t know enough. This way, you’ll have enough time to find out the truth while living a normal life and to pursue happiness instead of eating your heart out.
Sex, love, potential
In sex, there is no “repose”: there needs to be excitement, instability, and a battle for each other. Still, it is stability that women – and often jealous men too – look for. This is not an embrace: it’s strangulation. Those who have experienced this know very well why it feels like strangulation.
Love is only there as long as there is personal freedom and desire – within the relationship, since love can develop even in a prison.
Men realize the consequences of this mistake: they’ll notice that they can’t get it up anymore. Women fail to notice this moment because they don’t have such powerful bodily signals. And then, later, there are too many layers added to the problem so it becomes impossible for them to see clearly.
The truth can easily be proven; but if women get lost in doubt and immediately feel the wish to escape, they’ll never be happy: they’ll always be “researchers” instead of lovers. But all good scientific researchers allow themselves enough space for a personal life which is built on good old faith: where they don’t work; they just lie back and enjoy.
This is why it’s worth it to have faith and hope and to love your man or woman; to let them live instead of locking them up in a soft or hard sarcophagus. You also have to let yourself live and not think bad thoughts. You have to enjoy your “fully satisfying” sexual life. There isn’t anything else, anything more that we can give – since we can only give ourselves. And the way to attain the potential that maintains our sexuality is everyone’s own private business – let us all believe this finally.
HU
