Sexual advice – out in the open

Where should we turn if there’s a problem with our sex life? Should we ask each other on various message boards, or should we seek direct help online from specialists? It seems there is a great need for both approaches.

Intimacy laid bare
There are fewer and fewer people who have never turned to online specialists for help or asked other people’s opinions (the opinions of complete strangers) on message boards. We can talk about any intimate problems, without having to hide that we are talking about personal issues that concern us – since on a message board no one will find out who we are. And this detached anonymity is a favorable condition for speaking one’s mind. One can often gain helpful information on illnesses and their treatments from other people’s experiences. And the same applies to the subject of sex. But when it comes to solving a problem, it’s almost impossible for laypeople to do it on their own.

Specialists on the net
The opinions of various specialists are collected on numerous websites, and those who are interested can often find answers just by browsing – without even having to ask their questions. At other times it’s their browsing that inspires them to ask their own questions in a personal letter. In the meantime, we become more and more open in sex: these anonymous letters can be read by anyone; and it’s clear from these letters that sex is just like any other problem we, humans, experience, and that we are all rowing in the same boat when it comes to problems. So, these shared written experiences can help a lot; but they have their limitations. It’s impossible to find out the solutions to various problems through simple correspondence. It’s also a problem that our individual levels of knowledge vary to a great extent: some people may benefit hugely from answers written to others, while others don’t even understand the issue that’s being written about. This is why we often think that no one has ever written about the issue that concerns us. Yes, written texts often offer very little help, and this sometimes shows in the feedback too.

As suitable for adults
There are archives out there that provide a lot more than the simple service of sexological counseling through correspondence. Through photos or even videos, people can receive more effective advice – which, let’s add, comes in a much more interesting form too. But most of such sites are porn sites, with a bit of added advice. From the statistics it’s still clear that there is a great need for pornographic sites. And perhaps these statistics should also show how many people are opposed to such sites. Well, if it is not through porn sites that we wish to learn how to achieve a better sex life, then what’s a better place from where we can learn? For a long time, there was no alternative. Nowadays, however, there is a growing number of high quality websites dealing with the issue of sexuality. One of these websites has put especially great energy into dealing with the issue in a very esthetic and effective way. Answers are given in videos (which also illustrate the problem), and this enables people to build up their own therapy and learn at home. They don’t have to travel anywhere: they can just follow the instructions and thus achieve a more fulfilling sexual life. There are lots of videos that deal with how to achieve female orgasm and how to increase male sexual potency. And if one doesn’t want to practice on one’s own, the doctor’s office also has a phone number that people can call to receive personal training to cure all their sexual dysfunctions. And the results have been the best on the market for several years now.

An interview with the author
The site is very esthetic. How practical is the advice given in these videos?

Dr. Emese Toth explains: We achieve results in practice, during the treatments. These results are instantly visible at home, during sex. This has been the aim of Orgasm Clinic since the very beginning. My website has been compiled from the experiences I collected during our clinical practice: we learned a lot from these successful treatments, and this knowledge can be transmitted through the internet. Thus, anyone can try training themselves in their private homes.

How is this possible?

The Doctor answers: This is not some foggy spiritual training: like any athletic training, it also requires regular, logical and enjoyable work. Our bodies are only able to change if we train them actively; but we can define the direction in which we want it to change. And the only way to solve sexual dysfunctions or achieve greater sexual stamina is to do it in a pleasurable way. Those who take drugs for sexual dysfunctions (e.g., a potency boosting drug) will not stop and consider that in order to be able to come off the drug as soon as possible, they should actively train their body during the time in which they expect the drug to work. Also, women expect a lot more from men (who are often not experts in sex) than from themselves – though if they expected more from themselves, that would be a much easier way to reach that “unattainable” orgasm, for example.

Why is this method so successful?

The doctor-sexologist answers: Many people would like to develop their sexuality on their own and to understand it better. One necessary condition for this is a more unified sexophysiological approach which would deal with sex in terms of basic phenomena and natural law. Thus, Practical Medical Sexology does not restrict itself to the analysis of case studies and does not draw conclusions from these: it just observes general patterns. It is a much more universal and therefore much more practical science. Practical Medical Sexology is therefore a new branch within the science of sexology; although we might have given the label “medical sexology” to what urologists, andrologists, gynecologists and family doctors had been doing to patients in the past. Often it is not the sexual dysfunction itself that needs to be treated medically, but rather some underlying basic illness. Often the medications prescribed for sexual dysfunctions are detrimental to one’s sex life: they deepen the existing problem and create new ones. It is especially unfortunate that unreasonably strong medications are being prescribed for mood disorders, depression caused by tiredness, and sleep disorders. These medications don’t help to solve these problems; what’s more, they have a bad effect on the person’s sex life as well – although people in such situations wouldn’t have the energy for sex anyway.  

We don’t use drugs because we believe that a drug-free way is the only way to wake the body up and let it develop ad grow on its own. For many sexual dysfunctions there isn’t an effective treatment anyway. The intimate and close relationship we built up with the patient gave us a chance to reach fast results in a pleasurable way. It is rare that a doctor is not an outsider trying to help the patient – but in our case this approach was indispensable in order to reach the results that were expected. Of course, success has an evasive nature, but after all these years we may safely say that we have been able to satisfy the needs of our patients.

Why was a webpage necessary to complement the treatments?

The website is our way of giving access to people to a much cheaper form of self-teaching and self-therapy and a chance to gain the appropriate knowledge. Sex has been made into a mystified and terrifying territory; it became a taboo, and this has made normal life extremely difficult. Elevating sex to the level of taboo means that there are abnormal definitions created: it leads to the degradation of human sexuality and its unreasonable regulation. Our website provides urgent help in the process of becoming independent and sometimes helps people reach this independence too. One’s personal independence, along with having good sexual relationships, is a basic condition for reaching sexual maturity. Without these conditions, sexual maturity remains unattainable, sometimes forever. Unfortunately, though, this will not lead to eternal youth – only an even more severely sex-free life in old age. But according to today’s expectations, one’s sexuality should remain forever young and active, even in old age. And this is not impossible: there is a much greater chance that one’s old age will be much more fulfilling and healthy if earlier they had a frequent sex life. Of course, it is never too late to start.

How can I use the website if, for instance, I have erectile dysfunction?

Dr. Emese Toth explains: Solutions for erectile dysfunction can be found in the instructional videos, but our Sexual terms can also be a great help in understanding. I recommend using the site’s search engines to browse our collections of material and compile your own collection of Favorites in your account. Starting from here, you can begin your own individual sexual training if you follow our instructions. If a man enjoys sex daily and follows our instructions, his potential may increase very quickly. Of course, this is not always enough, which is why we can be contacted in person as well.